I Want to Write for a Living

Travel Writer

2009-07-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

So I'm traveling for work this week and writing is still a huge goal for me to reach. I signed up for an accountability challenge. Specific word counts have to be reached each day and tallies posted. This is wonderful for the ADHD child in me.

So far so good. But today's word count goal may be out of reach. I have meetings from 7:30 am until 10 pm! And I got up at 4 am to write. I'm dead in the water but I've layed the skeletal famework for a scene this morning.

Tired...

Apologies

2009-07-21T14:01:00.001-07:00

For some reason, I feel the need to constantly have my characters apologizing for what they do/say. I don't think I'm writing in my own personal behavior.. or am I?

Perhaps I'm writing my own deep-seated behaviors but it makes for boring characters. I've gotta make them rude and proud of it!

A Natural Inclination for the Absurd

2009-07-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'll admit it. There are some days that I'd almost rather do anything than write. And for me, TV is the natural extension for a procrastinator like myself.

Who can resist a show that's titles: "The 650 Pound Virgin." Who??? Not a procrastinating writer!

Luckily for me, my husband is aware of my goals and he deleted that particular show from the DVR. I know he really wanted to clear space for his programs but... I'm lucky.

I need an accountability partner because I'm facing some tough, self-imposed deadlines. I can't slack off now!

Sixteen Minutes

2009-05-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

So it's my birthday in sixteen minutes and I am giving myself a gift this year. What is it, you ask?

Time.

I have taken the day off from my Day Job and I'm staying up all night (or as late as these old tired bones will last) and I'm working on my WIP. For once, my family is asleep before me. No one needs to attention or for me to come look at something cool on the Internet... it's just me.

And I love it.

I'm starting to have fun with my WIP. And more than that, I have another story trying to dig its way out of my brain so I have to finish this one and move on.

Oh, to be writer. Well, a full-time, well-paid writer... one day. ;)

Does anyone else get scared?

2009-05-03T02:16:00.000-07:00

So I'm writing away. I have a decent idea of where the story is going. I'm about halfway through the story arc for my characters and I realized... I'm scared.

What if I can't pull this off? What if I leave my characters stuck with these huge ass problems? What if I let them down and can't get them to a resolution?

I'm at that point in the story where the ship is going to have to turn and... oh, crap. I'm at the helm. Who put me in charge???

Where ya been?

2009-03-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

I've been off doing a lot of writing, taking advantage of more resources, getting to know other aspiring writers. I've been taking classes and workshops and this crazy conglomeration of approaches has really been working for me.

Ok ~ I gotta go finish my word count for the day.

Yes We Are

2008-11-05T14:54:00.000-08:00

One topic that hasn't been talked to death in the election aftermath is our new first lady. Particularly, that this lovely, intelligent, educated woman is the new face of beauty, grace and welcome to the world. And she's black.

I was so touched to see Michelle and the two young girls on stage with the new President-elect. I was overcome by the fact that we now have this new image of womanhood and motherhood to look up to as a role model where previously, all such role models in the upper echelons of power have been white.

Now black women young and old can look at the first couple and see themselves in this woman. They can see themselves achieving educational and career goals. After all, Michelle is herself a lawyer. They can see themselves as proud mothers and wives and they can see themselves as beautiful and glamorous!

Yes We Are!

We women of color have had so very few images like this to cherish. I look forward to seeing this family grow. I look forward to seeing what a positive impact this new role model will have for young girls and women across the country.

I VOTED!

2008-11-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

I waited for 45 minutes but I wouldn't have cared if it was 4-5 hours. I was determined to get my vote in!

Highs and Lows

2008-10-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ok ~ so I got a form rejection on my novella. I was crushed. I was at my day job when I checked email and saw it there. I wanted to cry but just knowing that I work in an open, studio environment made me pause and keep my shit together. I don't even think I have words to describe what a blow it was for me though I'm sure that everyone who has ever received the form rejection knows exactly what I mean.

I felt a combination kick to the stomach and slap to the ego. I'm better now. Mostly. I'm determined to forge ahead. I have a new story that I love but I have been so crazed that I have barely spent any time on it.

This is my life: day job that I have to commute an hour and a half every day to get to. A freelance writing job that is heating up. I usually get home around 7pm and work on my freelance until 10pm. I also started work as an Editorial Assistant!!!! I love that part of my day so I don't want to give that up. It's eating time but I love it.

I am also trying to finish my second MS. And spent time with my Sig Other and my dog.

I'm considering giving up the freelance stuff. It's pretty soulless, corporate marketing writing. I took it more to maintain a relationship with my old contacts than for the money. But it's kicking my butt now.

I really have to start looking more long-term when I consider how I spend my time now. Which of these activities is going to get me to my goal of working as a writer?? Unfortunately, it's not the day job but that's how I pay for my Internet connection. LOLs all around!

Busy. Busy.

2008-10-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have been insanely busy with my new job, freelancing and another side project (more on that later if it takes off). Funny thing is, I’ve been getting more done than ever. I’ve been sleeping less and I don’t really mind it all that much. Around Wednesday, I crash. I have to sleep around 8:30 or 9.

I’m learning that the more I have to do, the more I get done. I have to squeeze every inch of productivity out of my days. For example, I’m sitting in Starbucks with a coffee. I started a synopsis for a new idea I have and I am writing this blog entry.

Of course, I’ll have to wait until I am on the Internet to post it. Starbucks makes me so mad by limiting Internet access in their stores. I am of the mind to find a new, independent coffee joint to haunt in the mornings before work so I don’t have to deal with their BS.

Ok ~ rant over. I actually have to get moving to my Day Job right now.

Started My New Day Job...

2008-10-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

...and I hate it. It's ok actually but the commute is killer. I'm also so sad because I have to leave my poor little doggie for 12 hour stretches. I know that many people do this but for some reason, I am having serious separation issues over it. I just think that I am going to have to find something closer to home so I can come back and check on him mid-day.

I must confess that I have a dog walker who comes twice a day so it's not like he's completely shut-in. But still, I feel major stress over this. I don't have kids and can't begin to imagine how I'd feel to have to leave them every morning. Maybe I'd like it; maybe they'd like it. But I don't think so. I think I'd be verging on suicidal. I'm not making any judgments about what anyone has to do to make ends meet in this crazy world. I grew up the product of a full-time working mother. She worked because she couldn't afford to not work. I totally understand. But I know it made her sad and I know she wishes things had been different. Maybe that's colored how I see myself. I just know I want to cry.

Ok ~ it's 9:40 pm and I have to sit down and write. I did some writing this morning but only like 50 words. I did get to re-think a key scene so I have a direction... at least. But I need words...

Still writing...

2008-10-05T17:43:00.001-07:00

... and struggling through. I'm not getting that same, mad rush of words that I had a few weeks ago. This time, it's like pulling teeth. Ugh.

And, I start my Day Job tomorrow. I'm so unhappy with having to go back to 9-5 office work. But it's my fault. I've been home for a year and didn't light a fire under my butt until recently to really get any writing submitted for publication. So, I feel like I'm going back to "working for the man" with no end in sight. I'm feeling really sorry for myself. I need the income and the economy is so bad right now that I shouldn't complain. I am fortunate to have found this job and to be able to bring in a steady paycheck to keep a roof over our heads here.

I will have to be way more disciplined when I sit down to write so I may not blog as much. Well, what I should say is that I may not read other blogs as much. That's the real time suck for me after all.

Stumped and Stuff

2008-10-02T16:03:00.000-07:00

My new WIP has me handcuffed. Sounds like fun? Not so much. I ad a kernel of a good idea and loved my first 1000 words then my plot died. It just decided to stop breathing despite my best efforts.

So, I've been working on resuscitation techniques for the last few days and I think I have a pulse. It's fragile still and I'm not sure who the hell to even submit this one to. With my first completed novella, I knew right away who I wanted to send it to. (And, of course I'm having major self doubt around now.) But this one is really different for me.

We'll see. It's my new child and I love her.

On the job front, I officially start my new Day Job on Monday. I am so sad that I won't be working from home anymore. I also picked up a freelance writing gig so I'm concerned about my WIP. The freelance stuff should be easy. I'm used to writing for this particular industry and I really could use the extra money.

My life is going to get really complicated.

Lessons Learned

2008-09-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a long few weeks. I learned that just because I "finished" my MS, that doesn't mean it's ready to roll out the door. I finished the first draft weeks ago. But guess what? I just sent it off TODAY! That's crazy to me. Now I'm in the long, slow tortuous death phase of waiting for word, any kind of word that: a) it's been received, b) it's been read or c) it's been accepted/rejected.

I'm a first-timer so I'm in considerable angst with this one. I'm trying valiantly to concentrate on my next project.

A New Day

2008-09-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

I started my new project today. I'm so psyched about it. I absolutely love it. Well, so far. I'm doing the classic "panster" thing on it so I'm sre I'll get to the hate stage pretty soon since I'll write myself into a corner.

Anyway ~ I noticed that I bounce from amazing heights of unfounded optimism to crashes of self doubt and toilet bowl levels of confidence. So it goes.

I think that's the life I'm trying to sign up for as a writer because I don't think those feelings are ever really going to go away, especially when I'm pushing myself into unknown territory.

Going Crazy

2008-09-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

I just finished the fourth round of edits on my novella and I feel like my brain is going to ooze out onto the floor. The feedback that I received has been immensely helpful in many ways. First, it as great to get different opinions on what worked and what didn't before I send it away. Second, I also got to really think about the story in new ways based on the feedback.

I also learned that there is no such thing as perfect. Do I still love my idea, my characters, my story? I do and that is why I am going to send it off through the submission process. I can't control the outcome but I am proud of the part that I could control. That's really all any writer can do. The rest will unravel as it will.

Quote for Today

2008-09-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

"This morning I took out a comma and this afternoon I put it back again."

~Oscar Wilde

Interruptions

2008-09-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

I'm in the middle of pretty major changes and this is what I look up to ~ a seriously ticked off doggie. I've been slightly ignoring him over the last several days. Today is going to be more of the same for him. I am halfway through combing through another round of revisions. But I think my story is getting close to final.

I'm going to finish it up today and start on another idea that I have.

Still editing...

2008-09-16T14:50:00.001-07:00

I'm having a tough time of it. I thought I was all done with my edits then I let it sit for a bit and realized that I had to significantly change the opening scene. I didn't start close enough to the action. I really liked my old opening but I couldn't let myself love the words so much that it slowed the pace of everything.

So I'm slogging through, praying I don't lose what I loved about my story.

I also realized today that I have some pretty bad work habits. I get up. I pace. I play with my hair. I eat. I eat. I eat. All this takes time away from writing. I don't think it's procrastination. I think I do it to calm down ~ because I'm too nervous to commit to the writing. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it's different than my procrastination mode. That goes something more like: Let's see what's on Tivo. I need to walk the dog. Gotta clean the kitchen.

But I'm getting to know myself as a writer even more than I did before. I'm going to sumbit my novella and keep my fingers crossed. My confidence is very low but I won't get anywhere if I don't even try...

Date with Destiny

2008-09-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter has been eagerly anticipated by Cubs' fans like myself. I knew he could do it. It was just a matter of when. So when it did happen last night, it felt destined but he worked so hard over so many years and put in hours upon hours of blood sweat and tears to achieve it.

As Zambrano took the mound for the bottom of the ninth inning, I thought to myself, this is his date with destiny, to write his own history. It doesn't matter if you're a baseball fan or even a sports fan but just to be able to see someone achieve their dream, knowing the work that went into that achievement is a sight to behold. Ultimately, we all want to position ourselves for the ultimate achievement in our chosen pursuits.

EDITS FINISHED

2008-09-13T06:25:00.001-07:00

I finished my first round of edits on my novella just this morning. Wow. Editing is not fun... at least it's not fun editing my own work. I wanted to be free, start something else, not edit. But, the devil's in the details and I had to sit down with the MS and work it over.

I'm going to give it to a few people to read today. I've got my fingers crossed that they like it.

My next struggle is to come up with a title for this. I haven't been able to come up with something that ties the story together, something that when you read the last line of the book, you go, "a-ha!"

I also have to write a synopsis. I've never written one before and I'm scared to death. I have a tendency to sell myself short; I've done it on resumes and job interview. And this synopsis is the mother of all cover letters for the dream job that I don't want to see slip away.

That's what I'm going to do today...

FINISHED

2008-09-12T05:17:00.000-07:00

I finished the first draft of my novella yesterday. This is a really great feeling. I love the story. I love the dialog. I hope this story finds a publisher because I feel so strongly about the characters and the world I created for them.

Today is edit day. I did a complete read-through last night and made notes. I do some polishing and tweaking before handing it off to other people to read.

I guess the reason I'm so excited is that I finally feel like I've had my 'a-ha' moment with my work. All the lessons that I learned from reading about writing, from following authors who blog about writing, just clicked together for me on this one.

I'll keep blogging as I go through my first time writing a synopsis and submitting this officially. I haven't really decided where I'm sending this off to but I have an idea. I really wish I could get some advice.

I'll figure it out...the hard way. LOL!

A Day of Firsts

2008-09-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

I have had such a good couple days of writing. Well, yesterday was better than today. I put in 7,000 words yesterday before I went to bed completely exhausted. I had one of those days where I didn't even want to stop to eat, shower, walk the dog or take a phone call.

It felt good. That kind of day was truly a first for me. When I woke up this morning, my elbow really hurt from my time at the computer. But in a strange way, I didn't mind the hurt. I finally felt like a put in an honest day's work.

I also shared my work with my Sig Other. He was very enthusiastic and gave me some great tips on areas that needed cleanup. I am going to focus on the edits just as soon as I have gotten through my last 2,000 words that I need to write today. I believe that I will have a complete first draft by the time I close up shop for the day.

This truly is a day of firsts!

I bought my first eBook today

2008-09-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm a little behind the times. Everyone's got their readers and consumes content voraciously. I'm a bit slower on the uptake on this one but I'm looking forward to trying. I bought a Nocturne Bites title ~ Dreamcatcher by Anna Leonard. I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote this spooky paranormal story that I am going to submit to that line so I thought I'd better read what's actually getting published before I send in my MS.

And ~ if I want to be pubb'ed and sell ebooks, I had better know what they're like to read. I'll let you know. I like the premise for Dreamcatcher so I'm going to read it tonight.

Here's my quandary. I'm not sure if I should submit my MS to the publisher or find an agent for a short novella. I want to just send it away to the publisher because they give a nice little blurb on their site about how they're accepting unsolicited material for the line. But would that be a mistake? Here's the thing, I really love my story. I know that doesn't equal a hill of beans on the adding machines of business-oriented agents and publishers. But I love it and I want to package it up and send it off without have ing to first wait to see if an agent loves it too.

Any advice? Also the publisher says to send the entire MS and not to query but does this mean that I shouldn't write any kind of intro for the piece? I gots some serious questions before I run off halfcocked and get myself rejected.

It's Not About the Word Count

2008-09-09T23:27:00.001-07:00

It's about calming that inner voice, that inner liar that is constantly inventing, weaving, fantasizing... Writing is about feeding the muse. She doesn't feed me. She doesn't have to. She would exist no matter what just to make me crazy. Writing is the only way I can put her to bed, shut her up, wrestle her down and get some peace for myself.

So I give her the page or she takes over my thoughts and doesn't let me focus on anything else. It's 2:35 am and I'm sitting at my desk. Couldn't sleep because the muse wanted to chat with me. Usually, I just listen and think, yeah, good one. Now let me get back to sleep and we can take this up at a more decent hour. But tonight, I gave in to her wishes and banged out 6 pages so far. It's now 4:15 am. I think I'll go back to bed now...

Bridge to Nowhere

2008-09-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever made pretty substantial plot changes and then tried to tie scenes together? I've been working like this for the past couple of weeks and I feel like I'm building a bridge to nowhere. I know, suddenly, all my posts are about Sarah Palin...

But that's exactly how I've been feeling. I've been working on this bridge and I'm not sure how I'm going to get to the other side. I have a vague idea and I keep writing and writing but I'm in uncharted territory here. I hope this works. If not, I have a whole lot of pages that won't stick together. The good news is that I like the changes that I made and I like these bridge pages but if they don't help the story along then I've wasted a lot of time and effort. But I guess that even failed writing experiments are valuable learning lessons for new writers.

It's worth it in the end because I'm starting to have more of a feel for the process and for how stories come together. Now when I read a book or watch a movie, I'm more conscious of the craft behind the writing and I enjoy stories so much more now.

A Romance Hero in the Unlikeliest Place

2008-09-08T04:49:00.000-07:00

This is not a political blog at all. I have opinions but I'll keep them to myself.

To me, what has totally been underplayed in all the hoopla over Sarah Palin is her dashing romance hero, the "first dude," Todd Palin. Just from the few tidbits weve learned about his past, I'm already getting the rough sketches for a fantasy romance hero: hunter, oil worker, commercial fisherman, snowmobile racer who marries a beauty queen. This is something straight out of a Diana Palmer novel, reset in Alaska. He's been called a "true Alaskan," part Yupik Eskimo.

He must be that rarest mix of alpha male (all frontiersman, survivalist, manliness) and sensitive male. After all, I've read that he helps take care of their children and cooks!

Yes, there are the ups and downs on the way to love and I'd like to airbrush a few details about these two people but I like the outline so far.

I know one thing, they've got my vote for sexiest backstory of the campaign. We'll see about the rest.

How Can I Thank You?

2008-09-04T13:26:00.001-07:00

Putting together a well-written thank you note is a tall order to fill. I mean, those two little words already accomplish so much: thank you.

What remains is the blank inside of a 5x7 note card, or rather, a whole lot of space for me to ramble and go off message. I'm one of those foolish sorts who likes to say only what is necessary and only what I really feel. So, I agonize over every little word.

Here's the scenario: I have to write five personalized thank you notes as a follow up to a marathon two and half hour interview I had yesterday. I've written three and I'm exhausted. I don't want to say the same thing over and over. What if they compare what I've written? I don't want to write something generic. These peeps are really picky and it's for a writing position so I feel like I've got to put forth the effort to win the job. It's a great job, btw. Well, I mean, as far as day jobs go.

I'm wiped. This may be all the writing I get to do today. Yikes!

First Dinner, Then Dessert

2008-09-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was never any good at abiding by this rule set by most parents. In fact, as soon as I became an adult (which is still debatable), I broke this one all the time. Unfortunately, there is a reason that dinner comes before dessert or that work comes before play... to instill discipline, establish routine. I'm so bad at that still. I want to web surf before writing. I want to eat, check what's on TV. I even go so far as saying that I need to have all the dishes clean before I can get started!

I'm not a neat freak by any stretch.

I'm a born procrastinator and it's become so obvious now that I have long periods of uninterrupted time. I have to fight myself to get things done, to get motivated.

Today's big distractions (in no particular order, of course) have been: returning phone/email for my job search, blog reading/writing, dog walking/vet/dog park, daydreaming up new stories I'd like to write, laundry, eating/thinking about eating.

So ~ I have decided to keep to a more rigorous schedule over the next few days to see if that helps. I am going to try to set time allowances for each of my activities so I can still do everything... just within limits.

I have a big chunk of edits done but I just keep fiddling with it. I'm driving myself slightly insane with this project. I need to read some of the wonderful author blogs on how to edit efficiently... but I have to fit that into my new schedule!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

2008-08-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back from our road trip vacay. We follow the Cubs to different ballparks on the east coast. This time, we went back to see our Cubbies play the Pittsburgh Pirates. It was a great trip mostly because we swept the series. But we really enjoy visiting PNC Park for the friendliness of the of the Pittsburgh fans and the great food at the ballpark!

We both ordered sandwiches overstuffed with french fries and cabbage and split a big dill pickle and a cold mountain dew. It was gastronomical heaven... until we got back to the hotel room.

I did a little writing, very little but I thought myself out of a writing corner I got myself tucked into. I think I'll be able to complete the scene I was working on with the notes that I jotted down while I awaited my Sig Other's return from the lobby where he was hanging out talking to the players.

Well, vacay is over and we're back home to watch the rest of our games on TV, unless the Cubs make it to the World Series and then 'll be back on the road again!

On Vacay

2008-08-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

Be back soon...

Odds and Ends and Thoughts

2008-08-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

I cracked open my wallet and bought a new book instead of sticking to my TBR pile. Well, I bought the book a couple of months ago before I was really committed to tearing through my TBR. I bought the book because it was a new novel by one of my favorite romance authors.

I discovered this authors books when I was about 13 years old in a box of books my mother's best friend gave to her. The cover was purple and embossed and shiny with a dashing rogue and a striking heroine on the cover. The title was in gold, scipty, serify font ~ like ice cream for a teenage mind. I'll never forget this book. I've since replaced that copy with a newer version so I could have it for posterity.

Well... so I'm reading the book... and I'm not loving it. Truth be told, this is the second time that I feel like I've been left at the altar by this author's most recent work. I'm so sad. Maybe I've grown up and yesterday's flavor of romance no longer appeals or maybe something has changed. I don't know. I was just really sad. The hero isn't as dark and dangerous and I don't feel connected to the internal struggles of the heroine.

I am not going to give the author's name because I will always love her for her early work but I'm crying on the inside. I know that author's can't/don't want to write the same thing over and over. I totally get that. Actually, I want to get to that point where I'm screwing with reader expectations. I really want to love the work every time though.

In other news, I went for a job interview today. Keep your fingers crossed. I think I could be really happy with the position in terms of the work that I would get to do, the level of responsibility and... I would get to spend a lot of time writing. That's always a plus. I guess it's a double-edged sword because writing insurance or healthcare or mortgage copy can really drain your soul. But, I would be writing for a living.

Be careful what you wish for!

When it All Clicks

2008-08-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have to tear up a bunch of what I wrote but I now know what needs to happen. I know what was missing from my draft. I'm so happy. I thought I would fear having to discard so many painstakingly written words. But, maybe that was the problem. They were each torn from me. The words didn't flow and now I see the way...

Life Lessons from a Stray Cat

2008-08-20T06:51:00.000-07:00

I was just settling myself in for a writing session when the phone rang... my old boss. They may be able to hire me back!!!! I need to chill because it's not 100% approved and I should know next week but I'm so elated.

This is when yoga or tai chi would really come in handy. Too bad I dropped those classes at the beginning stages!

Now my concentration is shot. I just want to eat cake and watch TV.

I need to chill out like the stray cat who's stealing a nap on my deck. Now there's a dude who knows a thing or two about taking it easy and our lives are eerily similar. We're both jobless. Our next meals are in question... but do you see it worrying him?

Good Times in My TBR Pile

2008-08-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

Like many folks, I've but the brakes on discretionary spending. This has affected everything from vacations to gasp ... book purchases! So I'm taking time out to read the items that I purchased in the past year. And I'm having a pretty good time of it. What I'm reading and how I've liked those selections are posted on Good Reads.

It's a pretty cool site that lets you organize and display your "bookshelf" on the web for all your friends to see. You can write reviews, see who's reading what and just generally be geeked out by books. I love it. And, I now have my TBR pile all accounted for and in front of me so I can see if I really need to buy more books. Not likely!!

I also reacquainted myself with the local library. They have a rather large selection of romance novels. I was really surprised to see this. The building looks like a dingy 70's special but it's so inviting inside. I was instantly comfortable... except that I've totally forgotten how to find anything on the shelves. the whole dewey decimal system is just an empty phrase to me. I will try to channel my 5th grade library skills or humble myself and ask for assistance because I have a feeling this is going to be my home away from home for a while.

Ok ~ I am going to slog through my stupid edits on my hated WIP. It's actually the process that I'm hating and the fact that I still have nothing but a pile of paper to show for my efforts. I think that my Sig Other has totally abandoned faith that this will ever lead to anything concrete. I'm losing faith too but I refuse to admit defeat.

My Crazy Summer

2008-08-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

A LOT has happened this summer. Mostly of the not-so-good variety of happenings. The kind of stuff you don't want to blog about as it's going on but can list out objectively, without the pain of being so close up on it anymore.

Lost My Day Job for the second time this year. I should see this as a freeing experience but I'm so preoccupied with replacing that income stream that it's been hard to enjoy anything about this time off. I need to take advantage of all this time for my writing. I want to have something concrete to show for this time off. But I feel catatonic, listless.

Dad Has a Brain Tumor and is majorly depressed. He had a major seizure and when he was hospitalized, the doctors discovered the tumor. The question now is whether he should have surgery or follow a wait-and-see approach. Wait to see if it turns aggressive. Wait to see if it turns malignant. It's been a grueling ordeal for him and the family.

Health Issues of My Own. I have had my own health scare and hospitalization this summer. And coupled with the job loss, I soon won't have health insurance. I'm not so much worried about the state of my health moving forward. My doctor was fantastic. I'm just going through some residual head trauma.

And there are the edits to my WIP. I am sooo hating my work right now. I just want to throw it out and start on something new.

Edit Hell

2008-05-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

I'm editing my MS and it's weirdly enjoyable. It's like I'm back in grade school and been gifted with the teacher's red pen. Yes, I always tried to be the teacher's pet.

I am getting to some scary sections that really need to be rewritten. But I knew this was coming. I needed to have thrown whole scenes out months ago bit I was a coward. I didn't want to waste a single word but bad writing is not worth keeping ~ even when it inflates one's word count and ego.

I guess that's a newbie mistake ~ clinging to writing that is no good.

Well ~ as soon as the day job let's out for the day, I'm back over to the red pen!

First Time for Everything!

2008-05-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

I printed out a my complete WIP today ~ all 278 pages! That's amazing to me. I can hardly believe it. Now ~ it's not that I'm done but rather, I need to get my hands on the pages to actually do some editing. Yikes ~ the pages are coming out and I realized that I don't have numbers at the bottom. Crap. I gotta keep this thing in order or at least hand number.

That's the quick check-in. I've been dreading this moment for a long time but I really need to edit!

When Insults Had Class...

2008-05-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

I received one of those pesky forwarded messages but this one was very "writerly" so I decided to share. And if, like me, you have a finely tuned sense of schadenfreude, you should enjoy these...

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd
drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar
Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -
Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E.
Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho
Marx

Teenage Angst Continued...

2008-04-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

My life is under a cloud. Have you ever had to live with a long-term house guest? Well, that's what we've been going through since the day before Easter. I think at first, we thought it was going to be a great adventure, maybe even our own sitcom plopped right down in the middle of our mundane, suburban lives.

But well, it's more like two urban, childless yuppies have an insto-presto teenager moping about playing video games and constantly complaining and whining about his life.

So, the hardworking, young urban hipster couple are now parents to one recalcitrant teenager and all the attending angst and hormones.Punchline though ~ he's nearly 30!

Ok ~ comedy is not my thing and the novel is more dark than comedic.

In Love with Twilight

2008-03-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Let me start out by saying that I am a ridiculously slow reader. Not because I have reading comprehension issues or anything like that. But rather, I really like to savor my books. I like to read a few pages, then sit and let it sink in, spend time with the characters in my head. Continue the story. Develop plot lines for them on my own. Then I'll read a bit more.

But not with Twilight. I barely wanted to turn the light off at night. I read it in record time and now I'm *dying* for Book 2. I've sent my Sig Other to the bookstore to pick it up. He better come back with the right thing or else... or else I'll have to go get it myself.

It's been quite a while since I've read a book that's left me breathless for more. Oh, I've like the books that I've been reaing but this was love... love like Bella has for Edward: amped up, hyper-hormoned, achey teen stuff.

To read it is to love it!

Penelope

2008-03-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

A friend invited me to see Penelope with her the other evening. I was tempted to stay home. It's cold. I'm a homebody and, well, I should be writing, as another blogger so aptly puts it. But this movie was so adorably cute that I was glad that I went.

For all of us romance readers, it was a neat little twist on a classic story of finding true love ~ despite everything. Add a dash of James McAvoy and you've got a nice little movie indeed.

Desert Island Books

2008-02-26T04:32:00.000-08:00

I was thinking recently about the old "Desert Island Discs" concept but applied to books instead. What I discovered kind of surprised me. Here I was thinking that I was an infinitely practical person. But my choices revealed something altogether different. I discovered that I am really an idealist. My choices, slim volumes mostly, really affected my life for better or for worse. The practical person, who revealed herself in the person of one of my friends, would choose, say: The Holy Bible, the Encyclopedia Britanica, The Oxford English Dictionary.

Those are great practical choices but they didn't come immediately to mind. If I truly found myself stranded on a desert island with the few hundred pages below, I'd probably be suicidal.

In no particular order:

A Room of One's Own. I still feel very strongly about this book and cling to my writing freedom, and my right to it, like it's my own personal manifesto. I know that I have been slightly selfish about my personal time and activities and sometimes this takes a toll on my personal relationships. I can only apologize; I can't change. Well, I don't think I want to.

The Awakening. This book, in its exploration of marriage, identity and motherhood put its indelible stamp on me in high school and (many, many) years later, I still wrestle with these same issues and don't know that much has changed for women. I still feel bound by expectations, both societal and biological, that I'll become a mother. What am I waiting for? Read this book and you'll see... well, maybe don't read it so you can go blissfully ignorant into various life stages.

Breakfast at Tiffany's. I recently saw the movie again. Not as lovely as the book but it was a treat to find it on in the afternoon. Holly Golightly is the quintessential floater. There is something that tugs at my soul about her approach to life, not having really felt a sense of belonging to anyone or any place.

Anna Karenina. I'll simply say that I went through a dark, Russian period. I mean: Crime and Punishment, Notes from Underground, etc. I think I spent pretty much an entire week in college reading this book. I skipped classes, barely showered, camped out in my BF's room and read while he wrote German essays in a little, perfect bound, college rule, old school, black and white classic notebook. While I don't recommend bailing on life for a week, it was Boston in the dead of winter...

Oh ~ and I would definitely sneak some romance novels into my life raft because I'm a lifelong romance reader. I'd take some Rosemary Rogers. Surrender to Love was the first romance I ever read. I found it in a box of books that were going out for donation. I was 12 years old and it totally rocked my world!

On the Chopping Block

2008-02-17T09:24:00.000-08:00

I cut 8 pages today. That's a pretty scary number for someone who has struggled for every word, paragraph and page. But I just wanted my scene to go in a different direction and felt that I could really set the stage for some action later on in the story if I cut those pages.

I have a good outline for what I think needs to happen now with my characters.

It still didn't feel particularly good. I'm going back to it now. I'm determined to make up the pages that I cut so I have to hustle so I don't feel like I've made negative progress.

I'm ALIVE

2008-02-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

Not that it was ever in question. But I kinda had a resolution that I wasn't going to blog anymore until I was at least done with my current WIP. But ~ that didn't go as planned. Yes, I"m still writing. Still struggling. It's just so damn hard.

And here's the rub... I've put myself on the line to finish this thing. Ego. I've told so many people that I'm oh so close that I now really have to finish. And I kinda like what I have so far.. and I kiinda don't as well. But I'm in the deep end and I've got to get to the other side.

Eating and writing

2007-11-16T16:59:00.001-08:00

I've been a bad writer. Yes, I guess in that way too. But really remiss in keeping up with my goals. My sister in law said something that perked me up. It had nothing to do with my writing but rather it was about eating habits. She said that when I had a bad day of hogging down cupcakes and chips, washing it all day with full-cal soda, I seemed able to just turn the page on it and go back to my healthy ways the very next day.

I want to apply that to my writing self.

I need to get back to my healthy writing. Deep breaths. Letting go of the guilt now...

Little Victories

2007-10-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

I guess I should start by saying that I write for a living - sorta. My occupation is in marketing & communications. I used to really like what I did from nine to five. It was creative enough and paid the bills. But it's not ambitious enough for me anymore. Only about a quarter of my brain is ever really engaged at one time. And, frankly, if more of me were engaged in what was happening around me, I'd probably want to slit my throat with a dull instrument and, while I was bleeding out, I'd start on my wrists.

I always wanted to work for Corporate America... and now I do.

But today I experienced a minor victory, one that I am trying to keep to myself lest some Corporate Jockey ride by and take a squat on it. I submitted copy that was accepted with very minor revision. Usually, I experience someone or groups of someone rewriting my copy or asking me to rewrite the copy because a) they didn't provide all the project details up front, b) they want to change the direction of the copy because they've changed their minds or remembered something that wasn't communicated to me c) they hate their job and secretly want to be a writer (this is one of my faves) or d) they're just schizo!

So ~ minor vicotry on Project #1. Rewriting Pojects 2,3 and 4.

I also managed to write on my WIP while I as on business travel. I didn't log a ton of words but I was happy with the writing and pleased that I used my scant free time wisely. Oh, and I wisely used some not-so-free time as well. One of my sessions was super dull so I wrote 1,200 words long-hand and transcribed them later in my shared hotel room.

Traveling Sales(wo)man

2007-10-21T03:35:00.000-07:00

I have to go out of town on a business trip for my DJ today. I hate leaving my family and my home. And I hate that it's taking me away from my familiar writing setup. I am, however, taking my personal laptop (in addition to the PC clunker that is standard-sissued by the Company).

This trip is different in that I have to share a room with a co-worker. Gross. I mean me, in all likelihood. But, as a writer, I need a certain amount of "me" time that sharing a room just doesn't allow. So I'm dreading this trip.

But I will get some writing done even if only to spare myself from the forced conversation of sharing a room.

Funny Thing I Did... After I Made My Word Count for the Day!

2007-10-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

First, I made my word count goal fr the day! Yay. Another success with getting up and hitting the writing straight away. I feel good about myself when I do this and, funny enough, it makes me feel like I can tackle anything else that might come up because I've already accomplished this major goal.

So, yeah, writing improves my Day Job considerably. Or at least my attitude about the DJ.

Well, this is the funny thing that I found when blog-reading this morning over at Alice Audrey's blog. This is so spot-on for my personality. I thought I'd share.

YOU ARE BASIL
Take this quiz!

Big Bang Theory

2007-10-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be redesigning the site soon. So I'll have a new look shortly. It's funny but the look of the blog is kinda like my first real apartment when I lived by myself. I lived amongst cardboard boxes and my crap TV was perched on a broken-legged coffee table that I got at the local Salvation Army.

Not that this blog is as grunge as my old digs but... it could use some interior decoration.

Yeah. Things are going to start happening around here. I can't as yet say when or what or how. But, yes, things.

And I'm hoping to birth this WIP that I'm working on. I'm 12 months pregnant now; it hurts! But it will all happen at once, as things in my life tend to. All is quiet, until it's not. And then - BANG!

What works for you?

2007-10-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

Whew! I did my word count for Sven today. I think I need to prioritize the writing for the mornings because that's when I'm at my best. I got up and hit the WIP first thing instead of trying to make time for it later in my day with everything else that is going on. Well, I guess that's what it's all about... finding what works for you!

Back on it tomorrow!

Ridiculous Job

2007-10-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I reached this low point with my job but I, apparently unlike Britney Spears, believe that I have hit my low point. I spent my entire day basically making telemarketing calls. WTF?!?!

I desperately need a new day job. But perhaps the utter ridiculousness of my situation will be enough of a kick in the pants that I actually do something with my sad life. Like finish my book.

I still need to finish the last few, ok... five, chapters. Depression city. Well, The Office is on tonight. At least I have that...

I've Fallen in Love

2007-10-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm on the writing schtick again. I have my work open in front of me and I'm re-reading a bit so I can get the lay of the land again. I just want to finish for Pete's sake.

I think I've fallen in love with my next book idea. It came to me as I lay in bed, half asleep, half awake. I personally think that most of my better ideas come to me this way. In either case, I will vaguely sketch out the idea but I will not allow myself to work on it until I have finished the current beast.

I Was Unfair...

2007-09-29T14:57:00.001-07:00

I should have at least finished reading the book (Lover Unbound) entirely before I posted my comments. I realize that now.

Having now finished, I still feel the same as I did yesterday. Not the best in the series. However, I didn't think that the ending was as much of a disappointment as some other readers felt it was. It was not a satisfying ending but hey, we are talking about a paranormal book here.

I can only hope that the series picks up and gives the fans a better read next time around. This is still a great series but my verdict stands.

Bored by Unbound

2007-09-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have been a big fan of the series. I loved the first three books without reservation. Book four, Butch, was good but not as good as the others.

Lover Unbound is V's story. He is the alpha Brother of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. his book has been highly anticipated by her fans and readers for months, if not years!

This book has some serious issues right off the bat - one of which could have been solved with a good round of editing. It's just too long - unnecessarily so. In fact, I would have cut the prologue entirely and just woven it into the book, as Ward goes over this territory throughout the story as we get to know the heroine, Jane, and V.

Ward posted the supposed first lines of V's book on the message boards months ago. Her editor should have told her to stick with that as the opening. It was much stronger.

Another problem was that I found the set up for the next book way more compelling than the relationship at the heart of this book. Maybe it's because I just didn't fall for Jane. In romance novels, the reader has to fall in love with the characters.

I just didn't really like Jane. Her emotional pain that made her a vulnerable character just wasn't strong enough. So Jane just comes across as kinda dull, very smart but just not all that interesting or unique.

I will still read the series but the writing/editing needs to be tighter. Also, there was way too much slang that was not even common knowledge stuff. What was the editor thinking?!?!

Anyway ~ I have another 100 pages to read so I don't want to call the game just yet but I am wary. I've read the disappointing reviews from other readers who were expecting so much more from this book. Vishous is, after all, most of the readers' favorite Brother.

I Made It: Interviews Behind Me & I'm Unbound

2007-09-25T05:39:00.000-07:00

I managed to pull myself together for the second interview. No small shakes for Ms. Moody herself. I think today is going to be a better day. Lover Unbound comes out today! Yay! I'm super excited about that.

I have been waiting for this book since the series began way back with Dark Lover . No shame in my game; I'm a dope fiend for these books. I have been looking forward to this book the most. So, I may sneak away and go buy the book at lunchtime and then try to sit through the rest of the day without reading it but with half my mind on it. Whew: I think that was a really long, bad sentence but that's what exuberance will do to a girl who's been kept waiting.

More to come on this topic. I'm going to dish on this book like nobody's business! I must be off to the DJ now. [The one where I'm working from home.]

DJ Depression

2007-09-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm depressed today. Maybe it's the lack of caffeine early on in the day and a hormonal thing but I'm just not coming to the game with my good stuff today. Maybe it's because I had yet another job interview and I felt like I sucked. I just don't think that my heart was in it.

I want to write for a living! I don't want another sucky DJ.

In any case, I have another job interview scheduled for tis afternoon. I really can't afford to blow it so I have to dust myself off and plaster a smile on my face. I have to say the right things; I know that I am qualified for all the jobs hat I have interviewed for.

Well, I now have the coffee in hand. I am praying that straightens me out. I have to bring it like my man, Carlos Zambrano!

My Alias

2007-09-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

Besides loving the show Alias, I chose to use an alias of my own here at this blog. I didn't put a lot of thought into the alias. Part of me wishes that I had because I can't really change it now. Here are my concerns with it: 1) I'm not published 2) I am lazy about writing most days 3) I hate my writing most days 4) it's certainly not been easy.

The frustrated part is dead-on.

I work at a large company and use this forum to rant against the DJ quite a bit. The last thing that I need is to have my co-workers finding my blog and using it against me.

As for my writing, I need a big push to get through to the end. According to my outline, I have only five chapters left to write. I'm one of those people who, for whatever screwed up childhood reason, gets frightened of potential success. And, finishing this beast would be a success for me. I just need to wrap it up.

This weekend will be a big writing weekend for me. I just want to post a blog that says: I'm finished!

Heavenly Things

2007-09-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

I finally did it. I broke down and got an iPhone. Actually, it wasn't painful at all. My sig other gave me his store credit Apple offered to customers who bought the gadget at full price. So, I used that to rationalize the purchase.

It's a beautiful object. My favorite thing about this phone is that it interfaces with iTunes and iPhoto so it's a complete Mac experience.

And, today couldn't get any better because I got a copy of the galleys for Evermore, Lynn Viehl's new book that I've been dying to read. I just have to make it through to the end of the day and get some work done before I slack off and read. I've been so pumped about reading this book but even more than that, it's just really awesome for the author to send this to me, a complete nobody in the publishing world, to read it. I hope to be so cool some day when I am published and living whatever version of the dream that I am able to live. I want to be as generous and helping and sharing as she has been through her blog.

Seriously cool lady.

And, I finished a chapter in my manuscript that I had been struggling with for weeks. The guilt was more extreme than the writing task but I made it over the hump. It actually wasn't even that difficult of a scene to finish. I just couldn't get my mojo working. So, that was a great experience yesterday. Actually, my sig other pried me from the sofa (almost literally) and made me go to my little office at the top of the stairs and finish my work. He can be alternately awesome and totally pesky or both at the same time.

Freaky Feral

2007-09-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm minding my own business in my dinky little home office when I hear this scratch, scratch, thump outside my door. Strange. I'm on the second floor and who could have gotten up to my second floor balcony unnoticed... well, my new friend, Freaky Feral.

He looks tranquil all obscured by the sun but he looked down on my as if I were nothing but a chubby field mouse, an afternoon snack. Cats have that way about them. I think he contemplated jumping on my head at one point but then he just settled into a few standard America's Next Top Model poses for me -- throwing out his chest and arching his back.

I told him to channel an owl. He told me to piss off. He's got talent and 'tude.

Meow!

Anticipation

2007-09-08T15:58:00.001-07:00

Here is one of the many books that I am anxiously awaiting to hit the shelves. I've snapped up all the books in Ms Viehl's Darkyn series and this one will be no exception.

If you haven't read any of her other novels in this series, you can catch up by reading If Angels Burn, Dark Need, Private Demon and Night Lost -- in that order -- until Evermore releases in January '08. These are fun, dark and sexy novels that have earned "keeper" status on my shelf.

If you want to keep up with the author herself, her blog is one of my first, must-reads of the morning. Visit her here.

Happy reading... and please come back and thank me for the tip!

Simple Things

2007-09-04T15:54:00.000-07:00

As everyone knows, I was laid-off from my day job. I had a love/hate relationship with it but at the end of the day, I was one of those people who was fortunate enough to at least like what I did to make ends meet. I met up with one of my friends from the old job for lunch today. Turns out that she's been quote a busy bee making this wonderful quilt for me:

I also quilt, not quite as often or as prodigiously as I'd like to, so I know how much work went into this quilt. It's truly a labor of love and I am so happy that it was made for me.

We had lunch and tea, things that our normal busy lives hadn't really afforded us time to enjoy. Now, we got to get together and just enjoy the simple things: a good BLT at a little, local sandwich shop, tea and pastries and catching up with each other.

Yeah, I know. I am "working from home." And I am working but I get to be a little more free with my schedule now. I turned in my assignment that was due today - a short newsletter article. I am embarrassed to say that I sweated each word. Sad but true. My writing mojo is still on summer break.

But friendships are not.

Beautiful Reading

2007-08-29T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I just finished a wonderful book: Angels & Insects, by AS Byatt. Given that I have spent my summer on junk food reading binges, I was happy to take this one on -- and happy in my reward for my perseverance.

Her writing is just so beautiful, so evocative. I can't wait to read more of her work. I think that I will read Possession next. I believe that a movie was made with Gwyneth Paltrow? I could be wrong but I did enjoy the movie. I know that shows my low-browness but I like to be well-versed on all sides of the cultural fence.

So, to avoid falling into that embarassingly large group of Americans who manage to make it through a year without reading one single book, I will add Possession to me list but here's my To-Be-Read list so far:

Slaughterhouse Five, Vonnegut
Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
Watership Down, Richard Adams

Ok, I will still read my fave vampire romance fiction as well: JR Ward will be out with her next Brotherhood novel, Lover Unbound. I also discovered Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer that I have to dig into as well.

With so many books to read, it's just so inconceivable to me that people would not read.

Oh and UPDATE: my sig oth and I have started a book club. That's why I'm reading Slaughterhouse Five! I'm so happy that we're reading together!

My New Friend: Big Red

2007-08-24T05:08:00.001-07:00

We have a nightly visitor, a friend who contributes to the well-being of the house. He's our buddy, Big Red.

Big Red sets up each evening on our back porch. At first I was scared of him. He is rather large and dangerous looking and probably hairy. I shiver.

But, as I let him stay, his webs have gotten larger and he's moved them away from the back door so that I no longer have to immediately duck to face planting in the web (and possibly getting an angry spider in my big, bushy hair).

I have never actually witnessed him setting up shop for the night but when I come out in the evenings, his web is perfect but as the night moves along, he gets these snags in the webbing. I am hoping this means he caught some dinner.

Reading: I Just Get Sleepy

2007-08-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Wanting to be a writer, I find it crucial that I understand why people do or do not read. Even still, when I think back to all the people that I have known in my life, I can neatly divide them into categories of readers and non-readers, or rather, people I like and people I don’t like.

There is one embarrassing exception to this rule, which pains me greatly – my sig other. He is a non-reader. I hate to admit this publicly but I guess it’s time that I outed him.

Oh, he knows how to read and occasionally I do catch him in the act. But I hardly think Day Trading for Dummies (ten minutes before falling asleep) counts.

Call me snooty.

And then there’s this CNN article on Americans’ reading habits. Don’t get me wrong. I like to sleep and I too am torn between Internet, TV on demand, Tivo and any other form of entertainment. But what happened to self-improvement? What happened to developing one’s mind?

Scary stat from the article: One in four adults say they read no books at all in the past year. Not to their children. Nada. Nothing.

That scares me. I like this schlub:

"I just get sleepy when I read," said Richard Bustos of Dallas, Texas, a habit with which millions of Americans can doubtless identify. Bustos, a 34-year-old project manager for a telecommunications company, said he had not read any books in the last year and would rather spend time in his backyard pool.

And I’d rather eat cupcakes all day. I bet he’s fat too!

Meow!

Read it and weep.

Working From Home

2007-08-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

I should now consider myself lucky. I am going to be working from home for my new DJ and this is going to give me a considerable amount of freedom over my schedule. I hope. This means that I can spend those hours that I used to spend commuting to and from work, finishing up my first draft of my book.

A New DJ. A New Sense of Purpose.

2007-08-15T06:46:00.000-07:00

I got a new DJ today (Day Job). I can't explain the relief and sense of belonging and purpose that I feel. I know that I ranted against my old DJ but I'm happy to have one again. I need the income...gotta keep the power bill paid so that I can blog and work on my novel.

And now I can celebrate. I've been wanting a new stereo and solar panels...even a composter. Should I splurge?!? I just feel so darn good.

AND... I have 55,000 words in my first ever manuscript. I am so close to being done yet it still feels far. Never having been at this point before, I don't know how I am supposed to feel. I just have to finish the darn thing. Sometimes I love what I am doing but mostly, I hate it! It's been hard work. No one ever warned me of that. Just kidding.

I knew it was going to be a hard, long and lonely road but it's never felt so good!

Hurt So Good

2007-08-13T06:55:00.001-07:00

I'm back to writing again and it hurts. It hurts to stop for so long then pick up the story again. All my writing muscles have gone back to flab. I can feel the layer of fat and cellulite over all the once finely honed muscle. I've been gorging myself on television and Harry Potter and paranormal romance novels and now I have to return to my own brain's creation.

And she's angry that I've left her so long to stew. I think she may punish me with at least eight hours of vain strivings, of writing that leads no where, of pages that will need to be cut.

But she will yield because she can't live without me even though I'm a bad partner. She will accept me when I come back tomorrow and be a little sweeter. Just enough so I can eek out my page count.

Who Does Depression Hurt?

2007-08-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

The Weimaraner, of course. Just kidding but really, the funk is starting to set in over not having a job and over the ex-job drama. Yesterday, all the ex-coworkers were feverishly emailing and calling with wild rumor that the company was rescinding already deposited paycheck funds from accounts. This turned out to be false. But it brought up all the old drama and panic that I thought I'd gotten over.

I just don't know if I want to even hear from any of them anymore. Meow! I know that's bitchy but I can't stand checking my email for word from from my former boss with job leads. Maybe it would be best if I just looked for a whole new separate opportunity all on my own.

And got down to writing again...

Oh yeah, that!

I have been reading quite a bit and I even went to the bookstore and spent money I shouldn't have on more books. I need to get a grip. I guess there's always temping. That way I can get some money coming in here quickly and not have to worry about bills.

Not Again

2007-08-06T15:57:00.000-07:00

So I didn't write again. Yikes ... this is why it's so hard to get a book published. I just fgured it out! It's the writing that makes the publishing thing go so badly. Big fat whatever! I'm on the road, just taking in a little scenery right now.

I did clean my office and I did some job hunting. Actually, I got job-hunted from posting my resume on Monster. That's pretty cool. I like how that feels. Hunt me, dammit!

And I am back to blogging but it's that whole if the tree fell in the forest and no one was there to hear it thingy...

I crack myself up. Good thing too because there's no one else to make laugh.

Not so bad

2007-08-05T16:51:00.001-07:00

Well, the heart palptitions have finally subsided and I don't feel like puking at every turn. The knots in my stomach have also loosened a bit. Maybe, hey just maybe I'm enjoying this whole unemployment thing. Tomorrow I am going to clean my office, send out some resumes and write!

I simply enjoyed my Sunday like I would any other Sunday. I started a new Vampire Romance series -- Kiss of Midnight by Lara Adrian. I loved it so much that I finished and ran right out to buy book 2 in the series.There were flavors of Lynn Viehl and JR Ward but still different enough to be a treat.

I needed this kind of mental break from all the strain of losing my job, of waiting to see if I get another job offer, of sending resumes. Since my health insrance coverage was rudely ended effective two days ago, I really need to learn to chill for a bit. I thought the stress of this whole thing was going to send my to the hospital. No joke. I know how pitiful that sounds. It's just a job after all, right? Right, she asks, hysteria rising.

And I was one of those people who swore that I didn't define myself by my DJ ... and I don't, I didn't. But there is just something so awful about being laid off. It's like I was a sucker, asleep at the wheel, merrily coming into work and giving it my all - believing in my company leadership, believing we would weather the storm by tightening our belts and buckling down to work harder with less.

Sucker!

Well, at least I had my Sunday and stopped hearing that little voice in my head calling me a fool for hanging on as the ship went down. At least I found a great new read! Go out and buy it!

Collateral Damage

2007-08-03T03:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's me ... and my job. I was let go from my DJ. I know I complained here sometimes but I couldn't afford to lose it. My company folded because of the downturn in the housing market and I'm a casualty of that downturn. I've been an emotional wreck and have not written in about 3 weeks. Now more than ever, I need to gather the people and things around me that will lift me back up.

2,761

2007-07-11T19:23:00.001-07:00

That's my word count for the writing challenge. Not very impressive for three days of writing. Gulp. I have some serious making up to do. I am flying to the left coast tomorrow so I can rev this up rather quickly with some free time coming up.

I'm mostly packed but that doesn't mean I'm not a complete mess. I risked hanging some clothes on the line tonight. When my sig oth asked if it was going to rain, I said - eh, I don't think so. Well, it's pouring and I run down the stairs and wrench open the door -- causing the alarm to go wild. Oopsies.

Now all that stuff is sucking down energy and belching out CO2.

I'll miss my doggie. He has an appointment with an orthopedic vet tomorrow that I'm going to miss. He is going to check out the doggie's ACL. We're hoping he didn't blow out his knee but he's favoring it.

I'm sweatin already...I swear!

2007-07-09T17:19:00.000-07:00

So, I began an online writing challenge. My first day, I did 1,501 words. I feel like I should have done at least 2,000 so I'm going to have to pick up the pace. Day 1 wasn't easy and Day 2, well I'm just sitting down at 8:30 pm to get started. Let's hope that outline I did carries me through today's session.

I may have to start preparing a bit more for my sit-down-and-write time. I just can't be wingin' 2000 words on a daily basis for 70 straight days with no plan. I'm not that smart. There, I said it. Quote me.

Anyhow...no time for cleverness here. I have to save it for my characters!

Visualizing Success

2007-07-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

What will the cover of my book look like? How will it look on my bookshelf next to my favorite authors? What font will will the designer use for my title and name? What about colors?

Lately, I've taken a bunch of motivational classes on how to set and achieve my goals and visualizing success is one of the most powerful things, in my opinion, that I've heard. And it's also extremely fun. So, today I was wondering what my book cover is going to look like. I think I'm going to take some time today and create a sketch and put my name in lights so to speak.

Ok, I'll meet my word count goals first!

And before anyone goes crazy and reminds me that I'll have no control whatsoever over the cover, relax! I know this. Making my cover will just be my own little exercise. And maybe if it's not too embarrassing, I'll post it here.

My Boy

2007-07-07T14:42:00.000-07:00

I don't want to write in here right now. We just found out that our poor little dog has to have knee surgery and we're devastated. We know a few people who have had to go through this and we know that their dogs all turned out fine but it's just another blow for our happy-go-lucky guy.

Ever since we got him, it's been one thing or another. He's going on the DL for the next 8 weeks and we'll have to see him go through serious pain. My heart is sad and I can't write about writing.

Organic Girl Eschews Plan!

2007-07-04T17:44:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about my writing style -- not the style of my writing but rather, the way that I approach writing. While I'd like to say that I am 100% "on it" every day, I'm more like a 'do everything else then write' kinda gal. I want to change that.

So, toward that end, I joined an accountability group where I am supposed to report my accomplishments or lack-of, each month. But I'm finding that a hardcore procrastinator like myself needs way more frequent check-ins. So, I'm not sure that I should re-up for this next group.

So now for some public accounting of what I did accomplish: month 1 - met goal. Month 2 - did not meet goal. Month 3 - did not meet goal. Ouch! I owe some people some money.

I've read some writers describe their work as more "organic" in terms of approach and planning. That sounds charitable and forgiving. Too much so? It appeals to my lazy, unaccountable self though and I want that label.

I claim it. I own it.

To be honest, I have each chapter of my book fully outlined and a synopsis written of each chapter... blah, blah. And I am more or less still following the plan. It's just the rebel in me I 'spose. I just don't like plans, er, um sticking to them.

I've changed direction a couple of times on this project when I thought change would really benefit the work. Only time will tell but I'm happy when I hit these forks in the road of my boring ol' plan!

Even Good Dogs Get the Blues

2007-07-02T18:09:00.000-07:00

I've had it! That's what I said to my poor dog after coming back from the vet with the cat, after working a long, long day for "the man." I just wanted to eat ice cream from the container. And that's what I did. Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Now I'm bloated and disgusting feeling.

Cup of coffee is at the ready because now I begin my night job of writing. And it's going well and feeling good. I've managed to turn the ship back to shore. I'm halfway to the end and I think (crosses fingers) that I know how to get there.

Here's the pup on a Monday morn. He knew there was a better way than rushing out the door. He's proving the theory of inertia. God Bless him!

Up and Away!

2007-07-01T12:40:00.000-07:00

Baseball has a language all its own and one that I am still learning. I love all the man drama -- fighting over calls, talking stats, roster moves or reading signs. It's always a ride. Now that I am a fan (and I almost wasn't given my raising outside of Philly, nuf said), I can't find the game boring. Ok, there are duller moments but those only serve to make the exciting plays (suicide squeezes and whatnot) that much more thrilling.

Thank God it's baseball season! Deadlines be damned on game day. This week, instead of TV, I am going to 2 games to watch my fave team. One is a night game. I'll eat ice cream and salty pretzel instead of peanuts and crackerjacks. The other is a day game on the 4th of July. What better way to celebrate our freedom!

**Updated 7/1/07 @ 6:17pm**

We won the rubber game!

The Weggie Pizza

2007-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

I had a co-worker, lovely person whom I worked well with and, let me say up front, whom I respected very much.

I enjoyed visiting her in her office full of good luck chachka and other assorted imported toys from some dollar or variety store that I'd never be able to locate.

She also had her own water cooler, candy dish and coffee pot which came in handy.

But she also had an accent that once in a while gave me a delicious thrill to put to the test. You see, she couldn't pronounce her "v" very well. Not that it ever mattered -- except this once. You see, we were having an office pizza party with co-workers from other offices. This was supposed to be a morale-building, recognition from upper management to the little guy kind of shindig. So we got... pizza, no salads included (cheapos!)

We got all the required pizzas to keep the staff happy: pepperoni, mushroom, meat lovers... and the weggie pizza! Te hee!

Childish me. But a cherished moment nonetheless.

"Unremitting Bleakness" or, The Power of Words

2007-06-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

I love words. Playing with words, combining them into quirky turns of phrase that make my friends laugh. Occasionally, ok, all too infrequently, I come across a few funnies that I have to add to my favorite words or phrases list. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a list of faves like oh, schadenfreude (You can look that one up on The Visual Thesaurus).

I really regret not getting to use that one more often...even though I feel it all the time. Bitch that I am.

This week, I read an article on Britain's banning of the video game, Manhunt 2. The reasons: "unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone ... and cumulative casual sadism in the way in which these killings are committed, and encouraged, in the game."

WOW! Now that's prose, my friends! Makes me want that game even more. I mean words like, "cumulative, casual sadism" and "unremitting bleakness" and "callousness of tone." Oh, revel for yourselves, my readers: read the news on Yahoo.

I've been in love since I read these words yesterday!

Destination: Procrastination

2007-06-20T16:40:00.001-07:00

I need to get a grip. I'm feeling seriously unmotivated right now. I have my WIP open right now. I psyched myself up earlier in the week and got some pages done but whew! What do I use now as motivation?!?! I got up at 5:30 this morning to write but didn't get much done so I'm on the hot seat now.

I have my workspace all hooked up the way I like it. The blogs have been checked and read and posted to. Dinner. Check. Dog walked. Mail opened. Called mom. I'm screwed. I gotta start writing.

No Plot? Uh-oh! Problems!

2007-06-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

I righted the ship for the zillionith time. Thank God for for sig others, well, for my sig other. I got to talk through some serious issues I was having with the plot. To tell you how serious, he gifted me the book No Plot? No Problem!

I didn't appreaciate it; OK, I downright resented it. I mean, so what I spend hours in my little room with Buffy playing in the background. So what if I'm totally caught up on everything Lindsay Lohan. I mean, I need breaks don't I?!?

That reminds me of my high school study patterns (and why I subsequently didn't get into a better college). I called studying "play break". I had my priorities slightly skewed, kinda like my plot. My SO asked if I liked my characters and when I hesitated, and I swear it was just for a second, he nailed me with that "uh-oh" look and asked if I'd read the book. I said NO! Really, please!

I just need to get the momentum back going again after my couple weeks of running from this thing. The whole fear of success issues that I maybe ran from blogging about. But I did write over the weekend, I met my word count goals for each day and I have to get started. Like now!

J.U.N.G.L.E.

2007-06-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

When I was 4 or 5 years old, my mother made me sit at the kitchen table while she cooked dinner. I had to practice writing my name, address, the alphabet. And like any kid, I must have eaten up these moments, feeling as if I had her solely to myself. As an adult though, I know that it was probably a way to tether me to a seat and keep me in her sight. Not that I was a bad kid. I guess that she was a multi-tasker before it was truly popular.

But I digress. This is about writing after all...

I remember the first word that I ever spelled. While sitting performing one of these writing tasks. I put togehter a string of letters in an attmpt to spell something, anything! It read something like this:

AHTHIJGUOPLWHUNAKLEOTJKEOJUNGLEQRPASZMLKFREQW

And I asked my mom to "read" is and tell me if I spelled any words and she picked out jungle. I remember my elation to this day. I was so proud of myself and I read it over and over. And so I think that maybe, somehow, if I keep stringing paragraphs into chapters, I will have a book. It's not quite that simple but the concept of bilding something up until you hit upon something valuable, feels right.

I Want to Believe

2007-06-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about what's standing in my way... besides complacency, that is. That's way too simple. As I pile up the word count and the pages add up, I find that my progress is slower and slower. I have an outline, I have a synopsis for each chapter but I have a wall infront of finishing this thing.

I sit here and wonder why I can't pull the trigger on these pages even though I have the outline, etc. Why I can't think around some of the corners that I write myself into and I'm frustrated. Frustrated. Angry. Depressed. Not wanting to talk about progress and page counts. And now it's after 9pm and I'm just getting started writing for the evening... after I blog.

Ok, I should write not blog now.

But I worry about whether I have a strong voice, a compelling story. I want to believe, as all writers do, that I have something in the 115 pages or so that I've written. So I slog on, even on days when I'm feeling just a wee bit agnostic about this whole thing.

Angel and the Beast

2007-06-11T18:53:00.001-07:00

So, I don't know what rock I was living under when Buffy came out but I'm addicted watching the first season on DVD. Buffy and Angel's first kiss was just so great. I am getting to rediscover so many things on DVD. I know that probably not that many people appreciated the short-lived Beauty and the Beast series from like 1980 but I got that recently too and can fall happily into my own little world and enjoy it.

Oh and I am writing tonight. Ok, I was watching Buffy at the time but I'm not too displeased with what I have so far tonight. Ok, the word count isn't there but... who's counting?!?

Yay for me!

Simple Pleasures

2007-06-10T10:59:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weekends have been very layed back and simple. I have taken to hanging laundry out on a clothesline. Instead of laundry being a chore, I now look forward to taking the clothes outside and hanging them to dry in the sun and wind. I didn't realize how relaxing it would be with the sun on my face, the dog napping just a few feet away and the wonderful smell of clean shirts and socks in the breeze.

On top of that, I feel good about saving energy and doing the 'green' thing. I remember as a kid we had a clothesline. I don't remember too much about it. My mom says that she remembers hanging clothes out for years and years, in the middle of winter. Bringing the clothes in all stiff and forsty. I don't know yet if I'll hang out in winter but I may. It's overcast today so I haven't risked putting out another load. No guilt about that!

Quelling the inner activist

2007-05-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

DJ is stressing me out. I can feel it in my neck, even my hands were aching from gripping the mouse too tight. I don't think it's something I can correct with ergonomic chairs or soft grip pens. There's serious drama going down and I can't even really blog about it because I can't afford to have the powers-that-be read this.

And that just sucks because I like freedom. But I like my paycheck too.

So I'm choosing to shut my mouth and go with the program because I have to think about my future and my family. They depend on me. But I need me too. I need the me who is free, respects herself and calls it like it is. So because I can't have that and I have this conflict between my values and how I'm living, I'm even more stressed. I guess I'll just sit here and feed my inner activist peach sorbet, watch the idiot box and lose myself in my writing. Maybe someday that'll give me a less conscience-laden paycheck.

General Hospital and the Budding Writer

2007-05-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

I remembered something from my childhood that I had almost completely buried. Well, if you knew me, you'd say that was a good thing. I purposely try not to remember a whole lot but this one was actually amusing...

In the fifth grade, I started a club. I think that the last period of the school day was devoted to club activities and I actually started one where I combined two of my greatest passions at the time: General Hospital and writing. I acutally wrote out very elaborate scripts and scenes for all my favorite characters and had them live the lives that I thought they should be leading on the show.

I guess I should say 'ah, how very apropos' but I'm not actually writing anything anymore... Ok, I am but just not making that great fifth grade progress. I don't really finish anything anymore.

I guess I had all that free time (and a whole period devoted to my spending my time on my passion.) Why can't that be my life now?!?! Imagine if my employer gave me an hour a day in which I pursued my passion. That's lunchtime I supposed, but I all too often find myself pursuing their passions and my paycheck. Humph!

BTW - made some progress on the WIP last night - just not enough. 2,000 words. On a normal day, that would be good. Deadline time though. Going back under now!

Deadlines and Daydreaming

2007-05-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

I have a deadline that I let get way too close without a care in the world. Now, I'm just a few days off of d-day and I've no pages to show for it. The deadline is imposed by a group of people who are all working to achieve personal goals. My goal was to write a certain number of pages. I'm woefully behind. Why? No good excuses but I will try to push through. I seem to always struggle with putting myself in a corner in some way.

"No one puts Baby in a corner."

Oh - that's not my life...

Let's see, I've had strep. That sucked a lot of energy. I've caught up on all my TV shows. Entourage this season was awesome. Lost was ok. The Office was one of the bets things on tv. Oh, and I daydream a lot.

I've totally changed my diet. I'm going vegetarian and organic. Loving that. That's giving me a lot more energy but my face is breaking out from my organic sunscreen. I'm a mess.

Deadline looms. I'm off...

Way Too Much Time

2007-05-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have spent way too much time on my most recent obsession -- researching organic products. While this does qualify as a sub-genre of my reading passion and is, in a roundabout way, a natural branch off the writing tree, it in no way helps my progress on the current WIP.

But, I digress... going green is fun and rewarding. I swear I feel better. Who needs exercise when you can just restrict chemicals entering your body? That's given me plenty of energy lately.

Oh and today is my day off from the DJ though DJ loves to intrude. Got a stressful call. Things are a'changing and I'm a typical taurus, very change averse -- unless it's my idea of course.

And I have to watch the entire first season of Buffy... under penalty of a severe tongue lashing or mild beratement at the least.

Red Alert

2007-05-17T03:10:00.000-07:00

Ok ~ so I have to deal with stress. Don't we all? I am just feeling major pressure to meet my own personally set page count goals for the month while slogging through my DJ (day job). I was supposed to be up at 5 again but didn't make it up until about 6 -- way too close to the time I have to start getting ready for the DJ.

Stress makes me feel like my body is in a constant state of red alert. It's like having a low grade fever... but all the time. I was tempted to say that today was going to be a bad day but I can't slip into negativity or I'll be there for the next week.

Here's my list o' positives:

1. I have been getting up early and writing. (I will not touch on the lack of real progress but whatevs...)
2. I am blogging (though self-indulging and a distraction from writing)
3. I am all caught up on Tivo (I did miss Lost last night and will have to dodge all discussions therein.)
4. Eating healthy. Seriously, this is the only thing keeping me alive.

List o' improvements:

1. Need to follow my outline and trust in it
2. Need to make real progress
3. Need a day off from the DJ.
4. Day off is tomorrow!

The Ugly Side of Five...

2007-05-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

That's AM. Im out of bed. Set off the house alarm because I'm stupid so early. But I have to put in the time to get the writing back on track. It's kinda crazy though because I have to go give blood this morning w/o having eaten anything since last night. I'll probably fall on my ass.

But when else can the unpubbed actually write? Has to be early AM or late PM or, in my case both because I have to get this monkey off my back. I have to actually finish a project.

Day 10

2007-05-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

It's day 10 of no writing...even though I want to quit my day job... well, I know I can quit my day job and be woefully unemployed but I'm looking for step up, a life-affirming career change. Not destitution, despair and dpression. Heading there now.