Travel Writer

So I'm traveling for work this week and writing is still a huge goal for me to reach. I signed up for an accountability challenge. Specific word counts have to be reached each day and tallies posted. This is wonderful for the ADHD child in me.

So far so good. But today's word count goal may be out of reach. I have meetings from 7:30 am until 10 pm! And I got up at 4 am to write. I'm dead in the water but I've layed the skeletal famework for a scene this morning.

Tired...

Apologies

For some reason, I feel the need to constantly have my characters apologizing for what they do/say. I don't think I'm writing in my own personal behavior.. or am I?

Perhaps I'm writing my own deep-seated behaviors but it makes for boring characters. I've gotta make them rude and proud of it!

A Natural Inclination for the Absurd

Okay, I'll admit it. There are some days that I'd almost rather do anything than write. And for me, TV is the natural extension for a procrastinator like myself.

Who can resist a show that's titles: "The 650 Pound Virgin." Who??? Not a procrastinating writer!

Luckily for me, my husband is aware of my goals and he deleted that particular show from the DVR. I know he really wanted to clear space for his programs but... I'm lucky.

I need an accountability partner because I'm facing some tough, self-imposed deadlines. I can't slack off now!

Sixteen Minutes

So it's my birthday in sixteen minutes and I am giving myself a gift this year. What is it, you ask?

Time.

I have taken the day off from my Day Job and I'm staying up all night (or as late as these old tired bones will last) and I'm working on my WIP. For once, my family is asleep before me. No one needs to attention or for me to come look at something cool on the Internet... it's just me.

And I love it.

I'm starting to have fun with my WIP. And more than that, I have another story trying to dig its way out of my brain so I have to finish this one and move on.

Oh, to be writer. Well, a full-time, well-paid writer... one day. ;)

Does anyone else get scared?

So I'm writing away. I have a decent idea of where the story is going. I'm about halfway through the story arc for my characters and I realized... I'm scared.

What if I can't pull this off? What if I leave my characters stuck with these huge ass problems? What if I let them down and can't get them to a resolution?

I'm at that point in the story where the ship is going to have to turn and... oh, crap. I'm at the helm. Who put me in charge???

Where ya been?

I've been off doing a lot of writing, taking advantage of more resources, getting to know other aspiring writers. I've been taking classes and workshops and this crazy conglomeration of approaches has really been working for me.

Ok ~ I gotta go finish my word count for the day.

Yes We Are

One topic that hasn't been talked to death in the election aftermath is our new first lady. Particularly, that this lovely, intelligent, educated woman is the new face of beauty, grace and welcome to the world. And she's black.

I was so touched to see Michelle and the two young girls on stage with the new President-elect. I was overcome by the fact that we now have this new image of womanhood and motherhood to look up to as a role model where previously, all such role models in the upper echelons of power have been white.

Now black women young and old can look at the first couple and see themselves in this woman. They can see themselves achieving educational and career goals. After all, Michelle is herself a lawyer. They can see themselves as proud mothers and wives and they can see themselves as beautiful and glamorous!

Yes We Are!

We women of color have had so very few images like this to cherish. I look forward to seeing this family grow. I look forward to seeing what a positive impact this new role model will have for young girls and women across the country.

I VOTED!

I waited for 45 minutes but I wouldn't have cared if it was 4-5 hours. I was determined to get my vote in!

Highs and Lows

Ok ~ so I got a form rejection on my novella. I was crushed. I was at my day job when I checked email and saw it there. I wanted to cry but just knowing that I work in an open, studio environment made me pause and keep my shit together. I don't even think I have words to describe what a blow it was for me though I'm sure that everyone who has ever received the form rejection knows exactly what I mean.

I felt a combination kick to the stomach and slap to the ego. I'm better now. Mostly. I'm determined to forge ahead. I have a new story that I love but I have been so crazed that I have barely spent any time on it.

This is my life: day job that I have to commute an hour and a half every day to get to. A freelance writing job that is heating up. I usually get home around 7pm and work on my freelance until 10pm. I also started work as an Editorial Assistant!!!! I love that part of my day so I don't want to give that up. It's eating time but I love it.

I am also trying to finish my second MS. And spent time with my Sig Other and my dog.

I'm considering giving up the freelance stuff. It's pretty soulless, corporate marketing writing. I took it more to maintain a relationship with my old contacts than for the money. But it's kicking my butt now.

I really have to start looking more long-term when I consider how I spend my time now. Which of these activities is going to get me to my goal of working as a writer?? Unfortunately, it's not the day job but that's how I pay for my Internet connection. LOLs all around!

Busy. Busy.

I have been insanely busy with my new job, freelancing and another side project (more on that later if it takes off). Funny thing is, I’ve been getting more done than ever. I’ve been sleeping less and I don’t really mind it all that much. Around Wednesday, I crash. I have to sleep around 8:30 or 9.

I’m learning that the more I have to do, the more I get done. I have to squeeze every inch of productivity out of my days. For example, I’m sitting in Starbucks with a coffee. I started a synopsis for a new idea I have and I am writing this blog entry.

Of course, I’ll have to wait until I am on the Internet to post it. Starbucks makes me so mad by limiting Internet access in their stores. I am of the mind to find a new, independent coffee joint to haunt in the mornings before work so I don’t have to deal with their BS.

Ok ~ rant over. I actually have to get moving to my Day Job right now.

Started My New Day Job...

...and I hate it. It's ok actually but the commute is killer. I'm also so sad because I have to leave my poor little doggie for 12 hour stretches. I know that many people do this but for some reason, I am having serious separation issues over it. I just think that I am going to have to find something closer to home so I can come back and check on him mid-day.

I must confess that I have a dog walker who comes twice a day so it's not like he's completely shut-in. But still, I feel major stress over this. I don't have kids and can't begin to imagine how I'd feel to have to leave them every morning. Maybe I'd like it; maybe they'd like it. But I don't think so. I think I'd be verging on suicidal. I'm not making any judgments about what anyone has to do to make ends meet in this crazy world. I grew up the product of a full-time working mother. She worked because she couldn't afford to not work. I totally understand. But I know it made her sad and I know she wishes things had been different. Maybe that's colored how I see myself. I just know I want to cry.

Ok ~ it's 9:40 pm and I have to sit down and write. I did some writing this morning but only like 50 words. I did get to re-think a key scene so I have a direction... at least. But I need words...

Still writing...

... and struggling through. I'm not getting that same, mad rush of words that I had a few weeks ago. This time, it's like pulling teeth. Ugh.

And, I start my Day Job tomorrow. I'm so unhappy with having to go back to 9-5 office work. But it's my fault. I've been home for a year and didn't light a fire under my butt until recently to really get any writing submitted for publication. So, I feel like I'm going back to "working for the man" with no end in sight. I'm feeling really sorry for myself. I need the income and the economy is so bad right now that I shouldn't complain. I am fortunate to have found this job and to be able to bring in a steady paycheck to keep a roof over our heads here.

I will have to be way more disciplined when I sit down to write so I may not blog as much. Well, what I should say is that I may not read other blogs as much. That's the real time suck for me after all.

Stumped and Stuff

My new WIP has me handcuffed. Sounds like fun? Not so much. I ad a kernel of a good idea and loved my first 1000 words then my plot died. It just decided to stop breathing despite my best efforts.

So, I've been working on resuscitation techniques for the last few days and I think I have a pulse. It's fragile still and I'm not sure who the hell to even submit this one to. With my first completed novella, I knew right away who I wanted to send it to. (And, of course I'm having major self doubt around now.) But this one is really different for me.

We'll see. It's my new child and I love her.

On the job front, I officially start my new Day Job on Monday. I am so sad that I won't be working from home anymore. I also picked up a freelance writing gig so I'm concerned about my WIP. The freelance stuff should be easy. I'm used to writing for this particular industry and I really could use the extra money.

My life is going to get really complicated.

Lessons Learned

It's been a long few weeks. I learned that just because I "finished" my MS, that doesn't mean it's ready to roll out the door. I finished the first draft weeks ago. But guess what? I just sent it off TODAY! That's crazy to me. Now I'm in the long, slow tortuous death phase of waiting for word, any kind of word that: a) it's been received, b) it's been read or c) it's been accepted/rejected.

I'm a first-timer so I'm in considerable angst with this one. I'm trying valiantly to concentrate on my next project.

A New Day

I started my new project today. I'm so psyched about it. I absolutely love it. Well, so far. I'm doing the classic "panster" thing on it so I'm sre I'll get to the hate stage pretty soon since I'll write myself into a corner.

Anyway ~ I noticed that I bounce from amazing heights of unfounded optimism to crashes of self doubt and toilet bowl levels of confidence. So it goes.

I think that's the life I'm trying to sign up for as a writer because I don't think those feelings are ever really going to go away, especially when I'm pushing myself into unknown territory.

Going Crazy

I just finished the fourth round of edits on my novella and I feel like my brain is going to ooze out onto the floor. The feedback that I received has been immensely helpful in many ways. First, it as great to get different opinions on what worked and what didn't before I send it away. Second, I also got to really think about the story in new ways based on the feedback.

I also learned that there is no such thing as perfect. Do I still love my idea, my characters, my story? I do and that is why I am going to send it off through the submission process. I can't control the outcome but I am proud of the part that I could control. That's really all any writer can do. The rest will unravel as it will.

Quote for Today

"This morning I took out a comma and this afternoon I put it back again."

~Oscar Wilde

Interruptions

I'm in the middle of pretty major changes and this is what I look up to ~ a seriously ticked off doggie. I've been slightly ignoring him over the last several days. Today is going to be more of the same for him. I am halfway through combing through another round of revisions. But I think my story is getting close to final.

I'm going to finish it up today and start on another idea that I have.

Still editing...

I'm having a tough time of it. I thought I was all done with my edits then I let it sit for a bit and realized that I had to significantly change the opening scene. I didn't start close enough to the action. I really liked my old opening but I couldn't let myself love the words so much that it slowed the pace of everything.

So I'm slogging through, praying I don't lose what I loved about my story.

I also realized today that I have some pretty bad work habits. I get up. I pace. I play with my hair. I eat. I eat. I eat. All this takes time away from writing. I don't think it's procrastination. I think I do it to calm down ~ because I'm too nervous to commit to the writing. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it's different than my procrastination mode. That goes something more like: Let's see what's on Tivo. I need to walk the dog. Gotta clean the kitchen.

But I'm getting to know myself as a writer even more than I did before. I'm going to sumbit my novella and keep my fingers crossed. My confidence is very low but I won't get anywhere if I don't even try...

Date with Destiny

Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter has been eagerly anticipated by Cubs' fans like myself. I knew he could do it. It was just a matter of when. So when it did happen last night, it felt destined but he worked so hard over so many years and put in hours upon hours of blood sweat and tears to achieve it.

As Zambrano took the mound for the bottom of the ninth inning, I thought to myself, this is his date with destiny, to write his own history. It doesn't matter if you're a baseball fan or even a sports fan but just to be able to see someone achieve their dream, knowing the work that went into that achievement is a sight to behold. Ultimately, we all want to position ourselves for the ultimate achievement in our chosen pursuits.