Highs and Lows

Ok ~ so I got a form rejection on my novella. I was crushed. I was at my day job when I checked email and saw it there. I wanted to cry but just knowing that I work in an open, studio environment made me pause and keep my shit together. I don't even think I have words to describe what a blow it was for me though I'm sure that everyone who has ever received the form rejection knows exactly what I mean.

I felt a combination kick to the stomach and slap to the ego. I'm better now. Mostly. I'm determined to forge ahead. I have a new story that I love but I have been so crazed that I have barely spent any time on it.

This is my life: day job that I have to commute an hour and a half every day to get to. A freelance writing job that is heating up. I usually get home around 7pm and work on my freelance until 10pm. I also started work as an Editorial Assistant!!!! I love that part of my day so I don't want to give that up. It's eating time but I love it.

I am also trying to finish my second MS. And spent time with my Sig Other and my dog.

I'm considering giving up the freelance stuff. It's pretty soulless, corporate marketing writing. I took it more to maintain a relationship with my old contacts than for the money. But it's kicking my butt now.

I really have to start looking more long-term when I consider how I spend my time now. Which of these activities is going to get me to my goal of working as a writer?? Unfortunately, it's not the day job but that's how I pay for my Internet connection. LOLs all around!

Busy. Busy.

I have been insanely busy with my new job, freelancing and another side project (more on that later if it takes off). Funny thing is, I’ve been getting more done than ever. I’ve been sleeping less and I don’t really mind it all that much. Around Wednesday, I crash. I have to sleep around 8:30 or 9.

I’m learning that the more I have to do, the more I get done. I have to squeeze every inch of productivity out of my days. For example, I’m sitting in Starbucks with a coffee. I started a synopsis for a new idea I have and I am writing this blog entry.

Of course, I’ll have to wait until I am on the Internet to post it. Starbucks makes me so mad by limiting Internet access in their stores. I am of the mind to find a new, independent coffee joint to haunt in the mornings before work so I don’t have to deal with their BS.

Ok ~ rant over. I actually have to get moving to my Day Job right now.

Started My New Day Job...

...and I hate it. It's ok actually but the commute is killer. I'm also so sad because I have to leave my poor little doggie for 12 hour stretches. I know that many people do this but for some reason, I am having serious separation issues over it. I just think that I am going to have to find something closer to home so I can come back and check on him mid-day.

I must confess that I have a dog walker who comes twice a day so it's not like he's completely shut-in. But still, I feel major stress over this. I don't have kids and can't begin to imagine how I'd feel to have to leave them every morning. Maybe I'd like it; maybe they'd like it. But I don't think so. I think I'd be verging on suicidal. I'm not making any judgments about what anyone has to do to make ends meet in this crazy world. I grew up the product of a full-time working mother. She worked because she couldn't afford to not work. I totally understand. But I know it made her sad and I know she wishes things had been different. Maybe that's colored how I see myself. I just know I want to cry.

Ok ~ it's 9:40 pm and I have to sit down and write. I did some writing this morning but only like 50 words. I did get to re-think a key scene so I have a direction... at least. But I need words...

Still writing...

... and struggling through. I'm not getting that same, mad rush of words that I had a few weeks ago. This time, it's like pulling teeth. Ugh.

And, I start my Day Job tomorrow. I'm so unhappy with having to go back to 9-5 office work. But it's my fault. I've been home for a year and didn't light a fire under my butt until recently to really get any writing submitted for publication. So, I feel like I'm going back to "working for the man" with no end in sight. I'm feeling really sorry for myself. I need the income and the economy is so bad right now that I shouldn't complain. I am fortunate to have found this job and to be able to bring in a steady paycheck to keep a roof over our heads here.

I will have to be way more disciplined when I sit down to write so I may not blog as much. Well, what I should say is that I may not read other blogs as much. That's the real time suck for me after all.

Stumped and Stuff

My new WIP has me handcuffed. Sounds like fun? Not so much. I ad a kernel of a good idea and loved my first 1000 words then my plot died. It just decided to stop breathing despite my best efforts.

So, I've been working on resuscitation techniques for the last few days and I think I have a pulse. It's fragile still and I'm not sure who the hell to even submit this one to. With my first completed novella, I knew right away who I wanted to send it to. (And, of course I'm having major self doubt around now.) But this one is really different for me.

We'll see. It's my new child and I love her.

On the job front, I officially start my new Day Job on Monday. I am so sad that I won't be working from home anymore. I also picked up a freelance writing gig so I'm concerned about my WIP. The freelance stuff should be easy. I'm used to writing for this particular industry and I really could use the extra money.

My life is going to get really complicated.