Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Quelling the inner activist

DJ is stressing me out. I can feel it in my neck, even my hands were aching from gripping the mouse too tight. I don't think it's something I can correct with ergonomic chairs or soft grip pens. There's serious drama going down and I can't even really blog about it because I can't afford to have the powers-that-be read this.

And that just sucks because I like freedom. But I like my paycheck too.

So I'm choosing to shut my mouth and go with the program because I have to think about my future and my family. They depend on me. But I need me too. I need the me who is free, respects herself and calls it like it is. So because I can't have that and I have this conflict between my values and how I'm living, I'm even more stressed. I guess I'll just sit here and feed my inner activist peach sorbet, watch the idiot box and lose myself in my writing. Maybe someday that'll give me a less conscience-laden paycheck.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

General Hospital and the Budding Writer

I remembered something from my childhood that I had almost completely buried. Well, if you knew me, you'd say that was a good thing. I purposely try not to remember a whole lot but this one was actually amusing...

In the fifth grade, I started a club. I think that the last period of the school day was devoted to club activities and I actually started one where I combined two of my greatest passions at the time: General Hospital and writing. I acutally wrote out very elaborate scripts and scenes for all my favorite characters and had them live the lives that I thought they should be leading on the show.

I guess I should say 'ah, how very apropos' but I'm not actually writing anything anymore... Ok, I am but just not making that great fifth grade progress. I don't really finish anything anymore.

I guess I had all that free time (and a whole period devoted to my spending my time on my passion.) Why can't that be my life now?!?! Imagine if my employer gave me an hour a day in which I pursued my passion. That's lunchtime I supposed, but I all too often find myself pursuing their passions and my paycheck. Humph!

BTW - made some progress on the WIP last night - just not enough. 2,000 words. On a normal day, that would be good. Deadline time though. Going back under now!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Deadlines and Daydreaming

I have a deadline that I let get way too close without a care in the world. Now, I'm just a few days off of d-day and I've no pages to show for it. The deadline is imposed by a group of people who are all working to achieve personal goals. My goal was to write a certain number of pages. I'm woefully behind. Why? No good excuses but I will try to push through. I seem to always struggle with putting myself in a corner in some way.

"No one puts Baby in a corner."

Oh - that's not my life...

Let's see, I've had strep. That sucked a lot of energy. I've caught up on all my TV shows. Entourage this season was awesome. Lost was ok. The Office was one of the bets things on tv. Oh, and I daydream a lot.

I've totally changed my diet. I'm going vegetarian and organic. Loving that. That's giving me a lot more energy but my face is breaking out from my organic sunscreen. I'm a mess.

Deadline looms. I'm off...

Friday, May 18, 2007

Way Too Much Time

I have spent way too much time on my most recent obsession -- researching organic products. While this does qualify as a sub-genre of my reading passion and is, in a roundabout way, a natural branch off the writing tree, it in no way helps my progress on the current WIP.

But, I digress... going green is fun and rewarding. I swear I feel better. Who needs exercise when you can just restrict chemicals entering your body? That's given me plenty of energy lately.

Oh and today is my day off from the DJ though DJ loves to intrude. Got a stressful call. Things are a'changing and I'm a typical taurus, very change averse -- unless it's my idea of course.

And I have to watch the entire first season of Buffy... under penalty of a severe tongue lashing or mild beratement at the least.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Red Alert

Ok ~ so I have to deal with stress. Don't we all? I am just feeling major pressure to meet my own personally set page count goals for the month while slogging through my DJ (day job). I was supposed to be up at 5 again but didn't make it up until about 6 -- way too close to the time I have to start getting ready for the DJ.

Stress makes me feel like my body is in a constant state of red alert. It's like having a low grade fever... but all the time. I was tempted to say that today was going to be a bad day but I can't slip into negativity or I'll be there for the next week.

Here's my list o' positives:

1. I have been getting up early and writing. (I will not touch on the lack of real progress but whatevs...)
2. I am blogging (though self-indulging and a distraction from writing)
3. I am all caught up on Tivo (I did miss Lost last night and will have to dodge all discussions therein.)
4. Eating healthy. Seriously, this is the only thing keeping me alive.

List o' improvements:

1. Need to follow my outline and trust in it
2. Need to make real progress
3. Need a day off from the DJ.
4. Day off is tomorrow!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Ugly Side of Five...

That's AM. Im out of bed. Set off the house alarm because I'm stupid so early. But I have to put in the time to get the writing back on track. It's kinda crazy though because I have to go give blood this morning w/o having eaten anything since last night. I'll probably fall on my ass.

But when else can the unpubbed actually write? Has to be early AM or late PM or, in my case both because I have to get this monkey off my back. I have to actually finish a project.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Day 10

It's day 10 of no writing...even though I want to quit my day job... well, I know I can quit my day job and be woefully unemployed but I'm looking for step up, a life-affirming career change. Not destitution, despair and dpression. Heading there now.